just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
