I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
