Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
