She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
