it was like his penis was on wheels.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
