Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
