You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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