Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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