i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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