I swear she didn't look like that last week.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
