I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
