I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm just crazy horny about you
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
