I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize