4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
