I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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