About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
People in love make me want to vomit
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
