i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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