If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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