I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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