So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
wakey wakey hands off snakey
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
