I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
