Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
