Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
