We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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