margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
