Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
