I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
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