drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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