the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
