i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize