I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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