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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  "women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc

  (1-201): View more from New Jersey

  damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..

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• (817): View more from Texas

  They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.

  (214): View more from Texas

  Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.

  (817): View more from Texas

  You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors

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• (904): View more from Florida

  the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm

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• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  How are you feeling?

  (1-541): View more from Oregon

  Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.

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• (716): View more from New York

  Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.

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• (270): View more from Kentucky

  Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit

  Fav 1 425 234

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.

  Fav 1 55 12

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction

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• (406): View more from Montana

  my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....

  (1-406): View more from Montana

  It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.

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• (912): View more from Georgia

  So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions

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