tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Randomize
