why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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