accomplished twins. life is a go
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize