I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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