Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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