Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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