Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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