i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize