my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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