is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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