no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
