Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
