Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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