I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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