not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize