You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize