i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
