All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
