just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
