all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
