If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
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