do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
