By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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