You're so nebulous sometimes
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
