i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
