all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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