Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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