omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Randomize
