Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
vagina is talking i cant
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
