I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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