if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
