new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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