I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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