but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
