How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize