He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
