i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
