morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize