Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize