Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
